Wednesday, September 26, 2012

If you are going through hell, keep going.

     I believe it was Winston Churchill that once said "If you are going through Hell, keep going"
Like most of Churchill's quotes, its a little "quippy" and simple, but if you really take the time to think about it, it's a pretty genius quote.

     I have failed time and time again when I set goals for myself. Some of my faithful readers have probably noticed this, and it's quite embarrassing. So, I just kind of gave up for a while. I decided to start therapy, and each week my therapist starts by asking what I want to talk to about this week. I realized that even when I explained the small irrelevant things that I had changed (at least in my eyes), she helped me to realize that all these little simple changes have huge impacts on the way I feel from day to day.  It made me wonder if the reason I was failing (and continue to do so) is because I'm expecting too much out of myself, too quickly.
     So, let me start small. I'll quit WoW first and foremost. It's keeping me up too late and taking up too much of my time. So, I quit WoW. Easy enough....I found myself with all this free time to do the things that are more important like schoolwork. Sever close ties with Amanda was next. I have been far to buddy buddy with my ex wife, and that has cause me a lot of grief and depression. When we would speak I would find myself practically begging to start over again, and it was detrimental to my emotional well being. I had a talk with Amanda, and we agreed to only speak on matters that involve Gracie.
     These small changes were so easy, and already I was seeing the benefits of them. Next, I decided no more sugary drinks. I still have my energy drinks, but its Monster Rehab Green Tea + Energy (10 cal, sugar free), the rest of the day I drink water. I decided to do something different with my night aside from TV to keep myself from lulling into a vegetative state, so I decided to listen to music instead, something to kind of keep me going. I tried it, and before I knew it, I had my chair and couch pulled out, cleaning around them and vacuuming underneath them, and I worked on my house for several hours. I felt great. I ended up not watching any tv last night.
     So, instead of making huge promises that I know I can't keep, I'm taking baby steps. One step at a time. My next endeavor is to drastically reduce alcohol consumption. Not that I'm a raging alcoholic right now, but I know that drinking has adverse effects on my anti-depressants. When I feel like I am where I need to be on that, then I will move on. Eventually, maybe I can turn it into a healthy lifestyle.

    In other news, there is a federally funded program through Arkansas Rehabilitation services that is willing to pay for my gastric sleeve in full if I can meet certain criteria. I meet all criteria except 1, which is to have 1 full year of documented physician structured diet and exercise plans. I mean, my doctor knows I've tried dieting, but I haven't had an official dietitian, so I'm not sure that's going to work out yet. I am getting everything together for that now, and will keep you updated.

    I went and got a Ben Folds tattoo a couple of weeks ago. Its a very simple sketch tattoo, but it holds a quote that means a lot to me.
It says. "It hurts to grow up...and we're still fighting it"

I posted a questionnaire on FB page and my readers seem to want me to go back to video blogging. I plan on doing this, but keep in mind, it will not be the same as before. No fancy title sequence, or anything like that. It will likely just be my mug.

Until I see you guys again.
Keep Breathing in and out