Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Random thoughts and ramblings....

    I have been suffering from writer's block lately. I don't really know if its because nothing of interest has really happened lately (at least that I can write about) or if its laziness. So, I decided to use this as a "free write" opportunity. I remember in school, I use to hate the stupid free write journal. Now, its kind of my thing.
    Since the split, I have really met some interesting people, and I have realized that in the 6 yrs I was married, there was a world outside my living room. A world where people exist other than those in my home. And not all those people drive me insane. I have often said in the past that I easily tire of certain personalities, but now I find myself drawn to all types of people. It's kind of a keen curiosity or intrigue. I wonder if the recent past has kind of opened my mind a little bit. Maybe it has broadened my horizons. At any rate, I find myself actually enjoying being around other people, or maybe I have just had really good luck lately notwithstanding a couple of "Dollar Store Surprises" as Dad would so eloquently put it. Hopefully one day, I can be completely candid with my readers, but with a blog, unfortunately come some degree of responsibility and professionalism. Especially with more and more people learning to google others. Whether it be somebody you are planning on dating, or someone that wants to hire you....
    
I do have a funny story to share.....I was at the Doc the other day and decided maybe I could kill 2 birds with one stone and go ahead and get tested for uglies. So, I asked the doc.."Can you go ahead and draw extra blood and check for nasties". Oddly he knew exactly what I meant. It's not exactly like I am promiscuous, but I feel everyone should be tested occasionally, and I hadn't been tested in a while. He said "sure we can do that" followed by a series of very embarrassing and awkward questions about my manbits. Upon answering his onslaught of horrific questions and scenarios he wrote a very prominent HIV on my chart, and told me he would bring me back a prescription for the bronchitis and have the blood guy come get me. I remember thinking when I looked at my chart. "wow", could he have said something more along the lines of HIV Test. A few minutes later he came in with my script and handed me off to the blood guy, who at this point I was convinced thought I had HIV due to the doctors note. He took me over to the counter and added a page to my chart for the lab. Prominently displayed at the bottom he wrote HIV. I remember thinking, what the hell are they doing that for, I have had 1 sexual partner in 6 years! I already know I don't have it, but I'm doing my due diligence by getting tested, and I feel like they are assuming I have it. 
  Anyhoo, They did the test, and gave me my bill (which had HIV written on it, by the way) and told me that my results would be back on Fri. I thought, wow, that's quick. I'll tell you a secret....no matter how sure you are that you don't have it, it seems like an ETERNITY to wait for the results. I called on Fri about 5:30, and no results. They then told me that it would be Monday before I heard anything. I thought dammit!!! I gotta wait all weekend for this! LONGEST...WEEKEND....EVER.
  After a call and a trip to the hospital (because the Dr.'s office wouldn't call me back), I find out its negative (of course), but I don't doctors realize exactly how hard it is to wait for a test result of that magnitude. It was then that I remembered why it had been so long since I was tested. 
   
   On a completely separate note. I have been trying to get into a position to get moved out into my own place again, not because I'm necessarily bothered by my Mom and Step-Dad, but because I'm just ready to have my own place. Unfortunately, I can't do it with my current salary, so I have had my feelers out. I had an interview today with a company in Paragould that has worlds of potential. If I am able to get the job, I will be faced with the unfortunate task of leaving my current place of employment. That is going to be difficult to do since they are all like family to me. I would love to stay at FedEx, but I need to move somewhere within the company in order to get the salary I would need to be comfortable with living on my own again. 
   I feel like the interview went well today, and the ladies that interviewed me could not have been nicer. The interview was relaxed and I felt like it was just casual conversation. I can only hope, I didn't get too casual during my interview, but they definitely made me comfortable. The place has a free on site gym and personal trainer, so that is also a plus. 
   I learned recently that there are people out there that are genuinely good hearted people. People that are easy to talk to and aren't afraid to listen. I feel like that is something I haven't had in a while. Actual intelligent conversation is hard to come by these days, but since I have started getting out of the house making myself more available and open to people I am seeing that these kind people are all over. I will assume these people know who they are, and I would like to say thanks for listening, and taking an interest. It's nice to speak to someone objectively who is outside of the family.

Friday, January 13, 2012

That's It, I Quit, I'm Moving On


I found this song on youtube, and thought it was worth a post. It hits home!




When we used to say goodnight
I'd always kiss and hold you tight
But lately, you don't seem to care
You close the door and leave me
Standing there..
Oh honey, that's not fair
That's it! I quit! I'm moving on.

Yeah,
The other night we had a date
And you showed up two hours late
And though your hair was all in place
Somebody smeared the lipstick on your face!
Oh, they smeared it everyplace.
Yeah,
That's it! Honey, I quit! I'm moving on.

Ohhh
You made me want you
You made me need you
You made me tumble and fall. But!
If I can't have you the way I want you
I don't want you at all.
Yeah!

Baby, I can take a lot
'Cause I love everything you got
And though your kisses thrill me so
If you've got someone else 
I've gotta go, Oh, And that you know

Yeah,
That's it! Honey, I quit! I'm moving on.

Yeah, now
You made me want you
You made me need you
You made me tumble and fall. But!
If I can't have you the way I want you
Then I don't want you at all!

Yeah,
Baby, I can take a lot
'Cause I love everything you got
And though your kisses thrill me so
If you've got someone else 
I've gotta go, Oh, And honey, that you know
Yeah,
That's it! Baby, I quit! I'm moving on.

And one more time!
That's it! Honey, I quit! I'm moving on.
Mmm, I'm moving on
You done me wrong so I'm moving on
Mmmm, I'm movin' on
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Class is in session....

     Well, for most people class starts next week. I decided to log onto my online classes today when I realized that I had been dropped from all my courses! Of course, I instantly panicked as I dialed for my academic adviser to see what was amiss. Turns out, I missed the memo that our classes started last Friday!!! Luckily I made it back into my classes, but I was a little upset that I never received any type of email. Then it dawned on me, I had gotten a new phone since last semester, and didn't have it set up to push notifications to me when I get a school email. I guess with the separation and all, I was a bit loopy.
     The good news is, I was able to get my classes today, and logged in, and caught up. I didn't miss much, thankfully. Just introductions, and Student information forms. I'm just lucky that I tried to log in today!

     I'm thinking this will be a good semester. After all, since the split, I spend almost all my spare time staring at a computer screen, hopping between Facebook and Kontraband. At least now, when I get bored and just stare at the screen, I'll know that I have something I can be doing.
     Im in Psych, Business, English, and World Civ this semester, so hopefully, I wont have any issues.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

I'm no Charity Case....

     Well, apparently the hospital has decided to not grant me the charity bariatric surgery. I haven't heard the "official" word from the hospital, but a birdie told me it is likely a no-go. I was upset to hear it, but my family has re-assured me that this is just a bump in the road, and they were going to make sure this happens for me.
     Apparently, if I would have been approved, I would have been the first person approved for a charity surgery of this kind, as bariatric surgery is typically labeled as "elective". Even though I had letters of medical necessity it scared the hospital to pull the trigger on it for fear that they would be flooded with applicants such as myself. Apparently letters of medical necessity are very easy to come by.
     I suppose I will have to do it the hard way and attempt to afford medical insurance for myself. The insurance where I work is mostly affordable, but with the separation and pending divorce, I'm scared to lose the extra income at the moment. I have applied for a couple of higher paying positions within my company, and I am praying those come through. In the meantime, I'm open to suggestions.
     I haven't weighed myself in over a month, but I think I have lost some weight since I started working on my feet again.

I'm not giving up! I'm just as determined as ever to get this surgery done, and when my family stands behind me, I ALWAYS get what I need. We are a persistent bunch.

Yes, I work at FedEx, Yes I like it....

     One thing I have noticed since starting my job at FedEx is anytime I wear my uniform out in public, I get the same question. "Do you like it at FedEx"? The second most common question involves me giving directions (even though I'm not a driver).
     I guess I never realized how many people wanted to work for FedEx before I started there. In a way, I feel very blessed to be employed by them. The corporate office is just 80 miles away, which means the sky is the limit with my career.
     I really like my job at FedEx Office, but I feel like I am capable of so much more. I couldn't ask for a better team to work with. Everyone there is like a family to me, and the manager is the best I have ever had. It doesn't feel like any corporation I have ever worked for. It's much more than that. They really take care of their employees.
     I am just starting my journey at FedEx, but I have big plans for myself there. I do miss my old job at Smurfit-Stone, but maybe I was thrust into this position at FedEx because life had bigger and better plans for me. I have finally decided that FedEx is where I want to stay, so I have recently begun to search my options within the company. Wish me luck!!!!

So, if you see me in public. Don't bother asking me if I like working at FedEx. The answer will always be yes.  Also, all the job openings are listed online, and I don't know if they are hiring in Memphis for drivers. Check the site!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

"Don't Give Up, You Got The Music In You"

     I was driving today and feeling a bit under the weather. I was listening to my 90's collection, when a song by New Radicals came on the radio. Unless you lived under a rock during the 90's, you have heard "You Get What You Give" As I often do, when I'm feeling down, I pay more attention to lyrics to get some sort of inspiration. Whether it be inspiration to write a new blog entry, or simply to pick my head up. I've said it many times, music has been there for me when nothing else was. Music has never let me down (except hearing Third Eye Blind live). Music can work better to cheer me up than any amount of prescriptions or therapy. It is what it is. It doesn't change. If a song inspired you once, it will still inspire you 20 years from now.

     As I listened to the music, it gave me inspiration for a new tattoo design. I really want my first tattoo to be something special and have meaning. I don't want to divulge what it is yet, but its going to be amazing.

     Since, I have a small case of writers block, I decided to post a few songs that have really helped to lift me out of a funk when I needed it. If you have a song that you like, either email me, or post a comment below, and I will add it to the blog entry.

In the meantime, enjoy the music.




And you cannot find a friend
You feel your tree is breaking
Just bend
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
We only get what we give
This whole damn world can fall apart
You'll be ok follow your heart
You're in harms way I'm right behind
Now say you're mine
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
We only get what we give
Don't let go
I feel the music in you
Fly high
What's real can't die
We only get what we give
You're gonna get what you give
Just dont be afraid to live
Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
courtney love and marilyn manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in






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